I’ve been doing a lot (a whole lot!) of self reflection lately. It’s probably reflected — Hah! (Sorry¹) — in my writings.

I’m trying to figure out who I am. And what I do. Big questions. But ones I want answers to.

Not least because of the series of relationship explosions I’ve undergone recently. In particular I’m trying to identify and neutralise toxic behaviours I either already had or developed in those relationships.

I’m pretty sure I’m badly codependent. Which needs to change. I also have a major tendency to jump ahead of myself when I should be rolling with the punches.² But I don’t know exactly how. Which loops quite neatly to the title.

I’ve been looking inward. Balancing it with looking outward. Trying to let a little more positivity bleed into the darkness.³

Trying really damn hard to be more mindful, more grateful.

All of that is good. But is it enough? Can I do this — whatever this is — alone?

I don’t know. Which is another thing I’m working at being better at — admitting when I’m wrong or don’t know. Which is a lot of the time when this is involved.

I guess I’m just trying to be a better person. Something I should be able to manage alone. In theory. I don’t know.