Quite a while1 ago I wrote about my experience of aphantasia. At the time I said2: It’s forced me to live in the present. But, like Zeman, I don’t feel that that’s entirely a bad thing, something to suffer from. A difference, not a handicap. These days, that’s not true at ALL. Not only that, I’m angry. I don’t remember my past, good and bad, and I don’t even remember what I don’t remember.

I live in the present. What else can I do, when I have no memory. Look to the future? Psh. I am indeed prone to daydreaming about what *might be *but there’s no inherent danger in that. Not while I keep it in check. No. My problem is clinging to the present. Not to the past, to the present. I do not give up that which I have. Not without a fight.

My blind mind’s eye pretty effectively neuters my memory. Because I can’t recall the image of a situation, I often can’t recall it at all. Forgetting where I put things is the rule, not the exception, for me. Cruel joke of the gods, that. Give a man who’s greatest fear is loss a memory that deprecates rapidly. Moments come and go. Memories mostly go. It is the way of things, and there isn’t a great deal I can do about it.